UU Speak Peace

Compassionate Communication Consciousness for Congregations:
Growing in our First Principle as Social Change Agents

Over the years Unitarian Universalists share how they might live out our lives authentically and lovingly to all people, regardless of their politics or ideologies – including our fellow congregation members. We ask one another:

1. Clearly articulating our thinking on social justice issues in a nonblaming, nonjudgmental fashion.
2. How to put forth a clear argument or foundation for our ethical choices with the hope of being understood, or getting information to others without us or them becoming defensive or argumentative.
3. How to grow our relationships with others – family, congregation members, coworkers, and family even though they might have vastly different ethical guidelines.
4. How we might achieve our goals of reducing suffering and growing justice without compromising our ideals and always living authentically to our values.
5. How to make connections with people and deepen relationships even when you think they are not listening to you or empathizing with you.
6. How to empathize with yourself when your own actions might not be in line with your values for the well-being and flourishing for all life.

During the phone conversation we will generally focus on:

1. How can we honestly express ourselves in a way that does not require that other people agree with us? We will concentrate on how we feel and the deep universal needs for which we yearn.
2. How can we clearly articulate what we want from the other person in such a way that they can meet our requests? We will concentrate on how we can stay connected to the other person so that they are ready to hear our requests by knowing that we are not judging them.
3. How can we stay present in a conversation even when our needs are not getting met (such as empathy from the other person)? We will concentrate on our own feelings and needs and the life giving connection that can occur when we connect to our universality with others of own species, and with other species.
4. How can we listen empathetically to others, even when their actions and values seem so far removed from our own? We will focus on what is going on for the other person by looking for universal needs and yearnings behind the words and strategies they are choosing.
5. How we can grow our deep knowing and acceptance that all humans have inherent worth and dignity in such a way that we offer healing to others as we heal ourselves, and still speak and act authentically? Our focus will be radical acceptance of the "other" and of ourselves as we investigate sociobiology and evolutionary psychology.

What kind of preparation do I need before the phone call?

1. Though not necessary, if you have no experience with Nonviolent Communication, you may wish to read, "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall Rosenberg. There are also many resources on the web, including: www.uuspeakpeace.org/web, and http://www.baynvc.org/reference.php.

2. In each phone call we will work with a few individuals on issues that are alive and current. If you’d like to share we’ll ask you to say briefly what happened and then work through how you might speak with more clarity, authenticity, compassion, and empathy. We’ll be looking for situations where people have trouble responding compassionately. In addition we’ll offer empathy to one another.
3. During each call there will be the chance to review Nonviolent Communication techniques.
4. Depending on the numbers of people, each person will have the chance to say their names. When you first come on the line the recording will ask you to say your name. We ask that you not do this so you won’t interrupt any conversation already in progress.

Who will be facilitating the phone call?

The phone call is a project of the Compassionate Communication Working Group under the Peacemaking Study Action Item. To being with, Rev. LoraKim Joyner will be facilitating the phone calls. She is the co-chair of this Working Group and serves the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Gainesville, Florida. She is a Nonviolent Communication Trainer Candidate and teaches/facilitates Compassionate Communication for UU congregations.